Pushing beyond pain…

Recently my health has taken a turn for the worse. I am currently battling a slipped disc in my back. I am getting steroids put in my back by epidural shots. I am sedated when they shot me up. Steroids are a curse and a blessing. I can finally feel my foot after two months of not feeling it. But steroids make me crazy. I’m coming down from pain killers (which also make me crazy) and just recently ended a little fling with a significant other. So I am basically crazy.

The good news is I’m supposed to get released from work tomorrow. Yay! I can finally work on paying off some bills. Especially surgery bills. The hysterectomy has been the best thing I have done recently. But it is expensive even with insurance and my mom paying some of it. I’m looking down about 900 dollars left to pay it off. Not having money is only adding to the stress.

So those of you that do read this I hope you can realize I am bisexual. I like men and women. My recent thing was with a guy. But this doesn’t give anyone the right to ask absurd questions. Use some discretion. Please! I am human. It really hurt to see people confused by my choice of a significant other. If you don’t learn anything else learn this: Gender is fluid; Gender and Sexuality are two different things. One does not make the other work. If someone is trans, it doesn’t mean they are going to act heterosexual. They are changing their gender to feel comfortable in their own body, not to match some sociological norm of sexuality. I’m male and I like both sexes. There you go.

PS I am fine. Just if you want to know something that personal, text me, or message me privately. Please.

Realizing my masculinity

Being out of town for the past three weeks has shown me how far I have come. There is never a shadow of doubt when people call me sir. I just realized there is no hesitation of my gender to the outside world anymore. I’ve been binding almost everyday now. I had not been because it hurt my rib cage. Well since the t I have lost weight and my boobs shrank. Now I bind with ease. It really boosts my confidence to have it on. It does take some work to get it on. I’ve almost got it down to a science.

So I’m currently riding a bus to Los Angeles. I picked a seat in the back on the right side. My normal spot on the bus from riding on many band trips. I had many people pass by me who needed a seat but wouldn’t sit next to me. I wondered for a second why. Then it hit me. Every other single guy riding the bus are sitting alone. Works for me. But it is weird.

I just got finished reading Max Valerio,’s “Testosterone Files”. What a great read. I don’t normally read. For me to finish a book is a small miracle. If you are a transguy, it is a great read. I highlighted all the way through the book of things I agree with. I’m giving the book to my mom to read. I think it will help her to see what I am feeling.

Since I finished a book, I got another. I got Chaz Bono’s “Transition”. He tells a bit more back story to his life. I just starting reading and realizing I’ve done very similar things. It is a good book as well. I highly recommend both of these books.

Well onward to LA!