New Binder

I realized I haven’t talked about the new binder I got from Underworks. I got the 988 model. I decided to get this one since I have a gut. I didn’t think it was necessary to bind my stomach. I’m finding out a lot about myself while doing this.

It is such a great feeling when I look down and don’t see boobs. I didn’t realize how bad my chest dysphoria is. Binding has to be one of the most uncomfortable things you can do. It keeps you from breathing completely. But the feeling of looking the way you feel is absolutely amazing.

For me on the other hand it is a little difficult. Since I leave with an arthiritis in my shoulders, getting into and out of the trap is hard and painful. It feels like I have to dislocate my shoulders to do this. But it’s worth it.

Now for me, I don’t wear it that often. I don’t wear it to school because I’m not out and walking around campus can be difficult when you can’t believe to capacity. Not to mention its hot. I sweat really easily (I know you wanted to know that) and spandex and nylon don’t go on easily if you are sweating. I’m waiting for the weather to cool off a little to wear it a little more often. (Not to mention the humidity. It’s been raining here for a week straight.)

On a different note, everyone keeps mentioning to me how much strength it must take to do all of this. And I guess to a point it does. As far as being afraid of what society will think of me, I gave up on that when I came out as a lesbian. Especially in the bible belt, being gay is the worst thing you can do. But when it comes to just being myself I don’t see how that is hard or takes strength. My strength comes from having wonderful family and friends. The coming out process has only been hard in the idea of just accepting myself.

This blog has been my release. I get to write out my fears and just general life information. I did this after first reading Ethan’s blog many months ago. It made it real. It gave me the hope I needed. I hope that this can gave others hope. Not just the transgendered community but everyone. I hope understanding happens and through understanding acceptance is given.