Transmen: A documentary

This documentary followed three of my friends here in Nashville. I got to watch the release of it a couple of weeks ago. The link for to watch it will be here.

I put this up cause I make like a three second cameo where these guys were at the support meetings we have. Other than that, Tiffany Gibson really shows what I feel a very realistic view point of what it is like to be a transman. I watched Lisa Ling’s Our America: Transgender Lives. I did not feel it represented the story of being a transman as well. I overall loved the show. Any step in showing that we are humans and not freaks helps in my eyes. There were people in our community that I would consider the extreme cases though. One MTF was only 7. While I applaud the parents for letting the child be herself, not many of us take that path. There was one FTM was another extreme. He had only been on T for 3 months and he looked like he had been on them for years. My problem with that is very few people get those kind of results so quickly for T. I mean, I don’t work out and yes there was definitely a change in muscle tissue. I just think it gives a false sense of hope that changes will occur so fast. This is a yearly process. Not monthly by any stretch of the imagine.

I have to applaud my school’s newspaper “Sidelines” for putting a full page feature story about the documentary and the guys that were in it. Click Here for the story.

School is coming down to the wire. So if I disappear for a month, I’m trying to graduate. Seven months will be this Saturday 4/9!

Sick as all get out!

So out of the blue, I’m feeling fine. And Friday morning I wake up with worst sore throat of my life. So I decide I need to rest. Well I slept all day. Saturday I got yelled at to go to the doctor. So I went to the doc in the box, down the road. She looked at me and gave me some nasal steroids and cough syrup with phenagrin cause I’m allergic to codeine. So I take it and go home to rest. Or so I thought.

I woke up later that night and nothing I did could make me comfortable. Nothing. I was on the verge of tears. My room mate (who is awesome for this) took my sorry ass to the hospital. There they were about to not do anything. Trying not to look like a drug seeker, I begged for something. So I got a shot of steroids in my ass and some Lortab. I finally got some sleep. So I emailed my teachers and told them I wasn’t coming to class. I needed to rest and still contagious.

So I’m finally feeling a lot less like death. Just coughing a lot. I know that will go away. I haven’t been this sick in at least three years. Made me miss being at home. But I think I’m turning the corner. One more day of rest and I should be good. Hopefully this will be just water under the bridge.

This has nothing to do with my transition, but just giving a life update. Hope everyone had a good valentine’s day.

Five Months on T!

21 weeks on T!

My how times flies. I did my shot today (a day late) and trying to relax at home. I’m a bit under the weather. But I’m loving school this semester. Talk to me in a month when I’m in the studio all the time and have no life. Really starting to feel like a guy fully. I don’t feel like a fake any more. I know I wasn’t fake, but I felt like it was a lie that I never could really show as the truth.

This semester I was lazy as hell and didn’t send the normal email to my teacher about being trans and call me Seth and not my birth name and use male pronouns. The first day of class I just said I like to be called Seth and you know it has gone a hell of a lot smoother. It’s like they don’t have to think about what is the right pronoun. Cause they usually go by looks. I pass so well now, no one would ever think to call me she. I’m hoping this not explaining and just letting the chip lay where they fall doesn’t back fire on my ass later this semester.

I haven’t noticed any other physical changes. Just itching a whole damn bunch where I’m getting new hair. I’m trying not to shave my face to see what actually is there. Mostly just neck beard coming in. I’m getting some great ance on my back and one side of my face. It’s getting to the point where it hurts like hell and I might have to go to the doctor for it.

Some of my friends really are treating me completely stealth (being seen only as male). Last night we were out where there were no bathrooms. They looked at me and where like “why don’t you just go behind a tree?” I just looked at them. I don’t use a STP (stand to pee) so that’s a no go. It was funny. I’ll give them props for treating me just like I wanted.

16 weeks on T and the New Year!

Wow it’s been 16 weeks and my four months is just around the corner. I wanted to look back at 2010. It had many ups and downs. I am looking at the ups. I started my medical transition. Something I have been wanting all my life (I just didn’t know what I was missing). I have found who I am for the first time in my life. I feel like I can finally be comfortable in my skin.  I can see the end of the tunnel and not be afraid that the light at the end of the tunnel is a train to run my ass over. The light is actually the outside welcoming me from the darkness. Like Plato’s “Story of the Cave”, I can not go back to the darkness.

 

Changes: Going lots of new hair. The hair on my face is very patchy. I’m starting to get the neck beard. Plus every place I’m getting hair it itches like a mofo. My happy trail is coming in good. The hair on my inner thighs is really starting come in and it is freaking me out. That’s going to be gone soon. Shaving that crap off. So far that’s the only body hair that bothers me. I’ll wait  see what else freaks me out.

I’m having some cramping on the second week, two days before my shot. It’s a bit uncomfortable. But it goes away once I get my shot, it goes away. My hairline on my head is changing. Just on one side though. Makes haircuts a little more difficult. For all my glee people, my next hair cut will be Puck’s mohawk. I really want to see if I can pull it off. Thoughts?

Acne. Yes I have it. Mostly on my back and shoulders. It’s more painful than anything. I didn’t have it though my first puberty. So this is new.

I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year! 2011 holds some great things. I will graduate! Hopefully get my name changed and top surgery. This is the first New Year I am excited to see what it brings to me and not scared of what it is going to do to me.

3 months on T video!

12 weeks on T!

Hey guys,

I plan on doing a video post sometime this weekend, but since I had a moment, I thought I would update on somethings this away. Physical changes are finally starting to get noticed (at least by me). I have leg hair! It’s blonde, but it’s there. It’s getting coarser. It’s on my thighs now. A lot more on my thighs. (and the inner thigh, I don’t know how I feel about this) Slowly getting a happy trail. I have some dark hair around my belly button and it is creeping its way up towards my chest. I have some facial hair coming in. Only three of them are dark. But on my upper lip, chin, and side burns are showing signs of hair. My hairline on my head hasn’t changed yet. I know it will. Most guys are right about the changes start at the bottom and work their way up you.

My voice is dropping again. I’m really starting to sound like a dude 100% of the time now. My face is getting acne. I’ve never had it before so this is a new experience. My strength is really getting better. Although I have a hurt time not hugging the crap out of some of my friends. My bad. My handshake has gotten stronger. Which is important in retail. I pass as male at work and guys just shake hands. It’s a thing. Glad my dad taught me that one when I was little. I don’t know why he did, but it sure has come in handy as of late. (Pun!)

I’m starting to get cramps in my lower abdomen. Like what I would associate with period cramps. They suck. It only happens on the week that I need my shot. Might need to go to the doctor to get my levels checked. I have been really stressed out because of school. The past couple of days I have been feeling what I call shaky. My hands have been shaking. I don’t know what it is about it. It’s annoying. (I don’t have low blood sugar or anything like that) Ideas?

My body shape is really starting to change. I have squared off quite a bit. My clothes are fitting better for sure. I’m losing my ass though. Not happy about that. But the fat is coming off of my hips, so the trade is worth it. While I’m on my body, I have to say the body dsyphoria is getting worse with my chest. I can’t wear my binders right now. They hurt so bad, I can’t wear them. I can’t breathe with them on. So I have to try something else. I wish I have the 7k to drop on chest surgery and just get it done. But I’m trying to be patient. Trying is the key word. Looking for ideas to bankroll this thing. I know it will help me feel better to not have to wear something to go outside, and not have to bind down these stupid things to feel complete.

Hope everyone is having a good week. Stay tuned for a video. I’ll try to include me giving myself a shot. So beware if you are phobic of needles.

Week 10 on T

2 months on T!

Finally a Dr.’s appt!

Yes I finally called a doctor in Nashville and setup an appointment. Only requirement from him is that I’m doing therapy. So I’m calling a therapist tomorrow. September 9th I go into the doctor’s office. I’m so close to getting hormones. I’m so happy. Things are looking up.

I’m back in Tennessee. Back to school. I start tomorrow. I’m looking forward to it. But I have been scared to be back. It was hard to leave my family. This is definitely a new journey for me. Hoping for the best. It was really hard leaving all my friends that have been there for me while I dealt with my father’s passing.

So if you hear a scream on September 9th it’s me. I will be screaming if I got T.